I'm Not Done Eating

Recently we bought a naked ken-type doll at a thrift store near our house... this wouldn't be too spectacular, except the doll appears to be modeled to look like Jesus. Almost as soon as we got him in the house, our 5 yr old put a fancy Barbie dress onto Jesus, so now he was no longer the awe-inspiring "Naked Jesus", complete with a themesong my husband created, but instead has earned the name "Crossdressing Jesus" (or Chucky Cheezus if you ask our 3 yr old).

The other night at dinner, our 5 yr old suddenly got up from the table, and one of us asked her what she was doing...

"I'm not done eating, but I'm trying to find Jesus!"

It takes a lot to weird out any of my kids...

... but it has finally happened, and I was there to witness it.

My 5 yr old daughter was on the school playground after school. She very emphatically hates boys, but the only other kids out there were three boys from her class. The small group played tag for about 20 minutes before one of the little boys walked away from the group to where my daughter was playing on her own...

boy: I have to tell you a secret

girl: what?

boy: I love you more than cheese sticks and I'll let you catch me when we play tag.

I don't think I've ever seen her look more smug and repulsed at the same time before. You could tell that she liked the compliment, but that the "ew, it's coming from a BOY" impulse was too strong to ignore. He offered to tell her another secret, but she looked at him like he'd just gone off the deep end, said, "no, I don't think so", and ran away.

The Mailbox

Usually my husband takes our 3 yr old son to the bathroom when we're somewhere in public, but sometimes I end up having to take him into the women's restroom. Generally nothing goes wrong, but when it does....

*3 yr old boy enters stall*

3 yr old: I locked the door, Mommy

me: good for you

3 yr old: I'm getting on the potty now

me: ok

3 yr old: Hey!

me: what?

3 yr old: There's a little mailbox in here!

me: no. no there isn't.

*woman washing her hands starts snickering*

3 yr old: YES! There is! Cool! We don't have to go to the post office, WE CAN JUST BRING OUR MAIL HERE!

me: No, it's not a mailbox. PLEASE don't touch it.

*woman behind me is done washing her hands and comes to stand by me, while laughing quietly*

*sound of "mailbox" opening*

3 yr old: it IS a mailbox! there's lots of room for mail in here!

woman beside me: OH MY GOD!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

Realizing what she's done, the woman covers her mouth, quickly apologizes, and runs out of the bathroom, no doubt to laugh her butt off while telling the rest of the people at her table what's going on.

me: Please, just finish going potty. Don't touch that thing.

Finally my 3 yr old got the idea that maybe he shouldn't be touching the "mailbox," finished his business, and got a very thorough handwashing.

When I grow up...

This afternoon my kids were sitting around discussing their futures. While I listened in, the following dialogue took place:

8 yr old: When I grow up I want to be a famous scientist. I'm going to change the world with my new ideas!

5 yr old: When I grow up I'm going to be anything I want, and I'll be the best there ever was!

3 yr old: When I grow up I'm going to put a fork on top of my head.

I'm going to write a note!

Anyone who's even briefly met my 5 yr old daughter probably has heard that she hates boys. If you haven't met my daughter, don't fret - I can sum up her world view in 3 words that I hear from her constantly: I HATE BOYS!

This morning she was playing with her brother and our neighbor's two kids (making the group total 2 girls and 2 boys), and the topic of boy hating inevitably came up. The conversation was funny, especially with the boys joining in to agree that she definitely hates boys, while they were playing games with her and generally having fun. I won't bother trying to recreate the discussion here, but I will give you the following gem that emerged from it...

5 yr old: I'm going to prove how much I hate boys by writing a NOTE about it! Do you hear me? A NOTE!

He's gone wrong.

My 3 yr old has the strangest thought process, and I'm at a loss to understand it. We'll be having a normal (for a 3 yr old) conversation, when suddenly he'll bring up the most incongruous statements... here are a couple of examples:

example 1)
The other day he was helping me do laundry...

Z: I'm a good helper, right?
me: you sure are!
Z: I did a great job putting soap in!
me: you sure did!
Z: My sister is a good helper too
me: yep!
Z: and my bigger sister is a good helper sometimes
me: Usually
Z: and Daddy helps when he comes home
me: That's right, he does. We all help each other.
Z: Not spiders. Spiders don't help at all. Spiders are useless.

At that point he left the room, leaving me totally confused.


example 2)
The dog had been playing with the kids, and Z was describing the situation to me...

Z: Kashi kissed my ear and my nose! She loves me!
me: She loves all of you kids!
Z: Yes, but she loves ME!
me: everyone loves you, because you're so sweet!
Z: I know that! You love me, and my sisters love me!
me: and Daddy loves you too!
Z: I know Daddy loves me! and Grandma!
me: yep, Grandma loves you to!
Z: But gloves don't have hands.

Again he quit talking and just left the room. I have no idea where that came from, and, while he is correct, I have no idea what empty gloves have to do with who loves him.

My only guess is that he's trying to find a way to end the conversations, and has figured out that mentioning the first thing that comes up in his mind throws people off so they just stop talking. As confusing as it is, I think it's hilarious, so I hope he keeps it up.