Calm down!

Yesterday was a bit too warm outside. Not super hot, but we were still all uncomfortable, I was watching 4 extra kids (our regular neighbor kid, and my friend's other three). Our house doesn't have air conditioning, so the kids were alternately playing outside and sitting in front of one of the fans in the living room, when it happened. V decided her nose itched, and she had to scratch it.

To say this was a small nosebleed would be calling the Pacific Ocean a mere puddle, as blood pooled in her hand while she made a mad dash for the, thankfully unoccupied, bathroom. Everytime the bleeding would slow, V would look at the bright red blob of tissue in her hand and start crying, which set off another flood, and only made her more scared.

After at least 20 minutes of this, her best friend and I finally got her calmed down enough to get her to stop sobbing, and the blood flow almost completely stopped. I handed her a clean tissue, and as V moved the used one away from her face she saw it...

V: Oh my GOD!
*tears well up in her already bloodshot eyes*

me: What's wrong?

V starts BAWLING - she's obviously extremely freaked out, but I can't figure out why. Finally, almost incomprehensibly, while sobbing, she tells me...

V: There is a piece of BRAIN in my Kleenex!

me: Oh, sweetie, that's a blood clot

V: NO! It's BRAIN! LOOK!!!

After another 10 minutes, I finally convinced her that it wasn't brain on her tissue, and that blood clots were normal, so she calmed down, and an hour or so later she was in a good enough mood for us to joke about it.

I will be using this story to embarrass her when she's a teenager.

I never did that!

This afternoon I'm watching my friend's kids, the youngest of which is about 15 months old. She is doing the normal baby thing - stumbling like a drunk, playing with toys, squatting, grunting, releasing her bowels into her diaper...
All of which led to a conversation with my naive youngest child, who has apparently never paid much attention to diaper changes.

Z: Mommy, what are you DOING?

me: Changing Cheyenne's diaper

Z: WHY?

me: Because she pooped

Z: (eyes get huge) What's wrong with her? Why would a baby POOP IN A DIAPER?

for the next half hour he kept going back to the idea, and trying to convince us that HE never did that kind of disgusting thing.