OK, so my daughter is only 10 and is extremely anti-drugs, but I swear she acts like a stoner at times. Today she bought her SECOND lava lamp and spent about an hour staring at it in her darkened bedroom. When she finally came out, she told me, "it was like, whoa! I watched it and it was boring, but at the same time it WASN'T boring! It's all soothing, and fascinating... now I know why hippies love lava lamps!"
Friday, November 16, 2007
Wednesday, November 7, 2007
Pocket, not a pocket.
Dear Son,
There are some things it's better to learn earlier in life, and some things you should probably learn later. Today you stumbled upon something that the sooner it is learned, the better. I know what you're thinking, so before you brush off my advice, as you have so many times today, and dismiss me as someone clueless, who just pretends to know what I'm talking about, please hear me out.
I may not wear what you call "boy clothes" and many of my outfits have mysterious things that your father will probably never have on his (hooks, pads, underwires, etc...), but I do know some things about your clothing. After all, I did help you choose it, and bought it for you.
Go ahead and wear your shirts backwards, because "they look cooler that way". Wear your pants a little long if you like the look of rolled cuffs. Turn your hat just about any way you want to, but for the sake of all that is cherished in this world, that weird flap thing on the front of your underwear is NOT a pocket. Are you paying attention? IT IS NOT A POCKET. A good rule of thumb is that if you have to reach through the waist on your pants to reach something, it's not a pocket. If you are not wearing pants, another rule of thumb is that if you reach into your "pocket" and touch the bare skin of your private parts, or, as you so aptly demonstrated earlier, reach further in and discover, with glee, that you can also reach your butthole, that is not a pocket.
Maybe a visual will help me get my point across:
POCKET:
NOT A POCKET:
Seek the advice of other males, if you must, but please at least give my words a chance.
Love,
Mom
There are some things it's better to learn earlier in life, and some things you should probably learn later. Today you stumbled upon something that the sooner it is learned, the better. I know what you're thinking, so before you brush off my advice, as you have so many times today, and dismiss me as someone clueless, who just pretends to know what I'm talking about, please hear me out.
I may not wear what you call "boy clothes" and many of my outfits have mysterious things that your father will probably never have on his (hooks, pads, underwires, etc...), but I do know some things about your clothing. After all, I did help you choose it, and bought it for you.
Go ahead and wear your shirts backwards, because "they look cooler that way". Wear your pants a little long if you like the look of rolled cuffs. Turn your hat just about any way you want to, but for the sake of all that is cherished in this world, that weird flap thing on the front of your underwear is NOT a pocket. Are you paying attention? IT IS NOT A POCKET. A good rule of thumb is that if you have to reach through the waist on your pants to reach something, it's not a pocket. If you are not wearing pants, another rule of thumb is that if you reach into your "pocket" and touch the bare skin of your private parts, or, as you so aptly demonstrated earlier, reach further in and discover, with glee, that you can also reach your butthole, that is not a pocket.
Maybe a visual will help me get my point across:
POCKET:
NOT A POCKET:
Seek the advice of other males, if you must, but please at least give my words a chance.
Love,
Mom
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