You Licked WHAT???

Today my 7 yr old got some dental work done that included a few stainless steel crowns. As she was laying on the couch resting tonight, we got to talking about her new teeth...

7 yr old: Are you sure my teeth are made with stainless steel?

Me: yes, why?

7 yr old: Because my teeth don't taste anything like your pans

Me: Hold on... what? you've TASTED MY PANS?

7 yr old: Um... well... not really, but kind of....

Me: Is that a yes?

7 yr old: Well... when you're not looking I sometimes lick the doorknobs too... and they don't taste like my teeth either.



OK, I admit that at her age I would suck on the zipper of my jacket because it tasted really good, and the pan thing is strange, but at least I know that my pans are clean... however, LICKING DOORKNOBS??? EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

Titanic

7 yr old:

"I wanted to see how the Titanic sank, so I made a lego boat exactly the same size as the Titanic, only smaller."

Mr Potato Zed

There are times when you should openly laugh at the antics of your children, and times you should swallow that smile, look sternly at your child, and tell them to never, ever do that again. Today I failed miserably at the latter.

We live in a small house, so I try to keep the toys confined to one bedroom, and today is cleanup day. The kids were picking up toys in there for about 20 minutes when I heard my 2 yr old, we call him Zed, giggling and saying, "Wook! Wook! Wook!" I looked and couldn't help but laugh and take his picture, even though I probably should have taken the toy he had, made an angry face, and said something about never sticking anything in his ears.

I'd like you all to meet Mr. Potato Zed:

Say What?

Yesterday we went to the local farmer's market and sat near a woman, who looked about 60, and a friend of hers. We were all watching the kids playing in the water the fire department sprays at one end of the market every week when the woman suddenly turned to her friend and said, "They're more energetic than a US State at a county fair!".

I waited for the friend to ask her to explain the comment, but she just accepted the statement with a nod, and I'm not outgoing enough to ask a person I don't know if they're on crack, or just insane, so now I'm still confused... WHAT THE HECK DOES THAT MEAN? If anyone has any idea, please tell me.

Talkin' Turkey

Some idiocy drove me to be craving turkey, so today I decided to cook a whole one. The kids have been asking me when the turkey would be done since a few minutes after it went in the oven, so, now that it's almost finished, they're climbing the walls waiting to eat. First my 7 yr old tried to talk me into letting her have some before it was done cooking, and I explained that we have to make sure it's the right temperature, or everyone could get sick, so she said, "but the SKIN is done! Can we eat the skin?" Next I explained that after the turkey is the right temperature, we have to let it rest on the counter for 30 minutes before we can cut it, at which point my 4 yr old looked at me like I'd gone insane and said, "Mommy, the turkey is DEAD! It doesn't need to rest!"

Naked Parents

Every Christmas my mother-in-law decides that she has to buy me some great makeup kit that she's found for like $5 on a discount shelf at walmart, so I let the kids use that stuff when they want to (which isn't very often). This morning my 4 yr old walked into the room I was in; she was naked and proudly showing off some makeup she'd put on all by herself, and informed me that she'd also helped her 2 yr old brother look the same. Right then the 2 yr old, also naked, walked into the room showing off his wonderful makeup, which looked like it'd been applied by a drunk clown school dropout.

I guess I made a weird face about his new look, because my 4 yr old and I ended up having the following conversation:

4 yr old: We're pretending to be parents. I'm the mommy and he's the daddy!

me: do you notice that daddy doesn't wear lipstick?

4 yr old: THIS daddy does!

me: ok... but you must have noticed that Daddy and I wear clothing, right?

4 yr old: That's YOU - WE are naked parents.



at that point they both left the room to apply more makeup and nail polish.

A little bit later the 4 yr old wandered back in to inform me that I'm not the best parent I could be, because I don't run around the house naked. I told her that I guess I'll never get any better then, and she gave up on me.

How many birthdays does the girl have?

4 yr old: Mommy, when is Halloween?
me: October
4 yr old: When is Christmas?
me: December
4 yr old: When is my birthday?
me: January
4 yr old: and when is my birthday?
me: still in January
4 yr old: Oh! and when is my NEXT birthday?