What's wrong with you?

This morning the kids and I were walking down to the middle school for 6th grade orientation. On the way there, our path was blocked by a work truck on the sidewalk. The owner of the truck was rummaging around inside it, getting things out for a job he was about to start. Yeah, the vehicle was a bit in our way, but we could walk around it.

My 6 yr old walked straight up to the workman and said, "Why are you parked on the sidewalk like that?"

The guy smiled, and, in an almost Barry White voice, said, "Well hello to you too! I'm parked there because I need my equipment. How are you today?"

My 6 yr old gave him the evil eye then said...

"AND what's wrong with your voice? Are you DRUNK???"

Luckily the guy laughed, but I was mortified.

Prunehilda

A few days ago my kids got a hairless rat as a pet, and it was quickly dubbed "Sweetheart." Sure, it's not a horrible name, but it is terribly boring, especially in our family, with former pets being named things like "Green Bean" and "Heart Attack" and "Shovel." Today I decided to put my suggestion out to the kids for a new name...

Me: Sweetheart looks like a prune, why don't we call her Prunehilda?

11 yr old: YOU are starting to look like a prune. Why don't we rename YOU Prunehilda?

because they can't drive straight.?

Six year old, upon seeing a scene in "Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist" where the group of gay guys is driving the van crazily, after finding out where the band they're looking for is "secretly" playing:

"They're so gay, they can't drive."

Boy Stuff

It's been hot here. Very hot. Everyone is running around in minimal clothing, and my kids are allowed to run around the house as naked as they want to be anyway, but they've chosen that option more lately.

Yesterday my 11 yr old decided to make a fruit smoothie while wearing only underwear. Her little brother wandered into the kitchen to offer his help, and she flipped out, yelling at him that he had to be completely dressed to help her, or even be in the kitchen.

As her brother walked off to find some pants, I asked her why she was allowed to be undressed and cooking, but it wasn't okay for him.


11 yr old: Girls are okay if they're naked, but boys have... boy stuff... that falls off of them, and that's not good for cooking.

Pet Therapist

My 11 yr old daughter has long claimed to be a great "pet therapist" that can "cure" animals of whatever mental problem they possess. She is currently visiting her grandparents, who have two awful little dogs that hate everyone.

As a gesture of good-will, my daughter bought the dogs a new chew toy, which they love, but they still hate her. The dogs will happily chew on the toy, but if she gets anywhere near them while they chew it they bark at her, if she finds it not being chewed and picks it up they come running and bark at her, and if she throws it to them they make sure the chew toy is safe, then come running and barking at her.

Since my daughter has been so set on being a "pet therapist" for years, I asked her if she'd done anything else to try to help the dogs become nicer. Without missing a beat, she said, "Oh GOD, no! If they left me alone with those dogs, they'd kill me!"

Old Man

My 11 yr old has befriended an older man whose back yard meets up with our back yard. They're both outside in the nice weather quite often and chat over the fence about all kinds of topics. However, when referring to the man, she can never remember his name and instead tells people about "the old man that lives in our back yard."

Safety Matters

For Christmas the man in red brought my kids a 12' tall teepee. When the weather was nice we had the teepee up in the back yard a few times, but never bothered with staking it, and it kept being blown over in storms, so we put the cumbersome behemoth away for a while. Last weekend I finally got out tent stakes and the kids helped me make sure that thing isn't going anywhere.

The kids like to have backyard campouts, and sleep in a regular tent, so I thought they might like to sleep in the teepee instead. My 6 and 11 yr old kids jumped at the opportunity, while my 8 yr old balked at the idea, and said, "But the doors only TIE SHUT, it's not safe like a tent with a ZIPPER."