9 yr old comes into the room, completely ignoring me, and walks over to his cat... "Zach, I have to share something important with you. Can you handle that kind of commitment, and take on some of my burden? Yes? Good." 9 yr old farts on his cat "Do you smell that, Zach? That's the smell of shame, and I just gave all of my shame to you. I no longer feel any shame because you took it all into your lungs. I hope you're prepared for more later."

Coffee... kids... same thing.

I started a pot of coffee while my 9 year old was sleeping on the couch. Once the smell of the coffee reached where he was, he sat straight up, looking worried... Him: What are you cooking? Me: Just coffee. Him: Oh, thank god... I thought it smelled like children! He went back to sleep immediately.

Stretchy is beautiful!

My 14 yr old just now:

"I like when the dog's stomach skin is all stretched and wrinkled... kind of like yours! Yours is just like that, Mommy!"

Me: Thanks?

Her: I meant I like it! It's beautiful! It's beautiful being all wrinkled and squishy, and not like a model at all!

Me: Um... thanks again?

Her: I mean it! I don't want you to look perfect! I want you to look like you do! I love your stomach's stretchy squishiness!

Me: I understand where you're coming from, but please... I don't need any more admiration today.