9 yr old comes into the room, completely ignoring me, and walks over to his cat... "Zach, I have to share something important with you. Can you handle that kind of commitment, and take on some of my burden? Yes? Good." 9 yr old farts on his cat "Do you smell that, Zach? That's the smell of shame, and I just gave all of my shame to you. I no longer feel any shame because you took it all into your lungs. I hope you're prepared for more later."

Coffee... kids... same thing.

I started a pot of coffee while my 9 year old was sleeping on the couch. Once the smell of the coffee reached where he was, he sat straight up, looking worried... Him: What are you cooking? Me: Just coffee. Him: Oh, thank god... I thought it smelled like children! He went back to sleep immediately.

Stretchy is beautiful!

My 14 yr old just now:

"I like when the dog's stomach skin is all stretched and wrinkled... kind of like yours! Yours is just like that, Mommy!"

Me: Thanks?

Her: I meant I like it! It's beautiful! It's beautiful being all wrinkled and squishy, and not like a model at all!

Me: Um... thanks again?

Her: I mean it! I don't want you to look perfect! I want you to look like you do! I love your stomach's stretchy squishiness!

Me: I understand where you're coming from, but please... I don't need any more admiration today.

This sounds familiar...

13 yr old: "They should have an alphabet that just uses hand signs."

me: "They do. It's called sign language."

What a bunch of baloney...

My 13 yr old and I were discussing having a picnic lunch in the wildlife sanctuary near our house, and figuring out what kind of sandwich fixings to buy from the store...

13 yr old: "Can we buy real bologna from the store?"

me: "Sure, but I don't know what you mean."

13 yr old: "You always buy the fake kind... the Bow Log Nuh one... I want to spend the extra money to buy real baloney this time."

Sweet little thing...

Sometimes my kids just amaze me, and aren't always insane goof balls.

Yesterday Z saved some graham crackers from his school lunch, so he could have a snack after school. He has always been a friendly kid, so he got into a conversation with a homeless man by the grocery store. To make small talk, the man commented on Z's stack of graham crackers, and, without hesitation, Z gave him some. Together they shared more conversation, and a little snack.

I don't have to wait for Z to grow up to be something great. I think he's great already.

Cheap AND Efficient, You Say?

Are you tired of the expense and inefficiency of peeling an orange? Well FEAR NOT! My 9 year old just told me, "I invented a cheap AND efficient way to peel oranges!"

Now, if only I can figure out how to use her method, which involves cutting a hole through the center of the orange, sticking a metal tube through it, and waving the skewered orange around in the air saying, "LOOK AT THE ORANGE, DOGGY!"